I've figured out my funk! But knowing the reason is probably worse!

As some of you know, I'm pretty much the only female in a house full of testosterone. And a couple of wanna-be testoterone filled boys.

I walked through the house last night and I was assailed by various 'aromas'.



The first one was fairly mild. The trash needed to be taken out.



Then I ran across the dog. He really needs a bath.



The various thrown about socks here and there left their own little clouds of olfactory gifts in the air as well.



My husband's shoes about drove me out of the family room. The cat should have followed me.



Although the cat has her own issues to add to this.



I don't even want to talk about the bathroom and my boy's inability to turn just their heads while peeing. Think about that one for a sec.



I think I'm going to take over the guest room and fill it with sweet candles and lavender scented sheets and my laptop and my Kindle and my crafts. I wonder if I can get my meals delivered?

Oh yeah, It's Monday.

So, I'm creeping up on my 100th post. A milestone. An "I've stuck it out this long and people haven't thrown rocks at me yet" moment.

What shall I do to celebrate it?


A giveaway?



A funny story?



Pictures of gorgeous men to drool over?



Actually, I find myself in a bit of a funk just now. Perhaps I'll just crawl into bed, make some popcorn and find a good movie.

I'm not the only one that has weeks days like this right?

Just a quick post!

:::snicker:::

:::snort:::

Humor quotient of a 9 year old...'member?

I'm your BFF! Again!

I'm totally liking this whole BFF thing. Don't know what BFF is? Where ya been? Under a rock? Sheesh. Go over to Jaci's blog and check it out already. Just don't call her Jaycee...she hates that. It's pronounced Jacki...which I totally know since I'm one of her very bestest friends. She just doesn't know that yet. But she will, I have her phone number now...and her cell number....and her address....and I know what she drives....muahahahahaha! Oooohhh, I almost scared myself there for a moment! Hah!

She defines it as:

Blog Farts – noun. Def: Crappy ideas that are too short to make a real blog post, but when combined, join forces to make one unified, albeit half assed, post. see also: memes, surveys.

Cool right? Right. I thought so too. Great minds really do think alike don't they?

I really wanna come up with one of those linky things and then I can be one of the popular girls instead of one of the poopular ones. Heh. That cracks me up. I know, humor quotient level of a 9 year old. I blame it on my pre-teen boys. I laugh at farts too (mine anyway). I give 'em the old stink-eye when it's them doing it.

I particularly laugh out loud when I delicately pass just a little gas but I'm sitting on my wooden chair and it sounds like a machine gun straight out of the 1920's gangster wars and it scares my dog out of a sound sleep and he jumps up, barks, spins around and heads downstairs to hide. I literally laugh out loud.

Didn't know that I took Blog 'Fart' Friday so literally didja?

It's amazing to watch the progression of excuses when a child doesn't want to go to bed. From the utilitarian like "I forgot to brush my teeth" or "I need to go to the bathroom" to the needy like "I need a drink of water" or "I forgot to give you a bedtime hug" to the downright pitiful "My stomach hurts" or "I had a bad dream". I particularly love the last one when it's only been 2.6 minutes since the last time they were up.

I love wine. I think I have about a half-bottle in the frig. I'm gonna go check.

Hey, everyone check out my groupies bloggy love mosh pit over there...I've gotten 7 new moshers this week! Woohoo! Actually, it's been 3 months since I started this thing. It's 'bout damn time I'm starting to be idolized collect more of you cute little things. Ya'll are better than beanie babies a big tub of buttered popcorn (and I LOVE my buttered popcorn!)

Oh, you have to click on the 'you're next' thing so a window pops up to show you who's doing BFF. You don't have to sign on any dotted lines or anything, just pop up the window. Don't worry though, I already whined told her about it. I'm bitchy good like that.

I can be such a sucker!

I just love Mama Kat's writing assignments. It always takes me in some direction that I had no idea that I was gonna go in. For example, this week the prompt I chose was number 4. Write about an interaction you had with a salesman. Go check out all the other wonderful writers over at her place.

Also, I do Jen's Thousand Word Thursday. I figure all the pictures I add into my stories let's me get away with it! :::snort:::


I was taking a nap. A wonderful nap. I just love naps, don't you?

When I woke up I wandered into the living room to see Da Man.

Da Man: "Hey, I'm glad you are up. The salesman is going to be here in about 30 minutes."

Me: "Uhhh, wha..?" I wiped the sleep from my eyes and the drool from my chin.

Da Man: "A salesman stopped by earlier but you were sleeping so he's going to be back here in a bit. He wanted both of us to be there."



Me: "Why did you do that? Why didn't you just make him go away? I don't want to have to deal with a salesman? What is he even selling? Oh man, now I need to clean." Needless to say, this was the last thing that I wanted to hear after having my wonderful nap. I felt cheated out of my post-nap mellowness.

I scurried around picking up dirty socks and dog chew toys and putting the sofa cushions back into place. Before I knew it....'ding dong'. The doorbell was rung.


The salesman was here.

He was a nice enough guy with a big Silver King vaccuum cleaner. Well, I didn't want another vaccuum cleaner and I sure didn't want a big expensive one. I figured I'd just let him do his spiel and then hurry him on out the door so that I could find some wine and make my husband a little bit miserable for having put me through this to begin with.

But...hmmm...that vaccuum is working really well.



Oh, wow. You can use it on carpet and tile and wood and it even doubles as a mop and carpet cleaner?

It purifies the air also?

OMG! Look how much crap it got up just in that one little spot!

We are getting down to the end of the demonstration and I had these wonderful little jitters in my stomach. Just like the ones that I get at the mall when I find a great new pair of shoes.

Da Man is making some negative noises. I started batting my eyes and smiling really pretty at him.

He bought it for me.

We are still making the payments.

I don't use it nearly often enough.

It sure is pretty though.

Me? Well, this picture explains it all.

I scored the coveted interview!

Dr. Zibbs. Say that name to yourself out loud. Doctor Zibbs. Kinda makes you shiver a little bit doesn't it? Yeah, me too.

He decided that he was going to let two people interview him and held a grueling elimination process. I persevered through mud gnats, bull gonads, quicksand and toothpicks and finally received the grand prize. I was selected as one of the interviewers.

Unfortunately, my sanity was still missing during this time so I don't necessarily take any responsibility for my questions. Unless you like them, then they are totally mine.

After I met all of his Michael Jackson-esque demands for layers of black sheeting and multiple entrances so I would not get a chance to lay eyes upon the actual physical being of the Zibbs, he allowed these questions.

1. Since you don't want anyone to know what you look like and swear those you have seen you to secrecy....are you a sufferer of bad skin or leprosy? My skin is fine. As are my beautiful looks. The reason I don't reveal myself is because then I wouldn't be able to write anything I want on my blog. Also, because I like to torture people. And lastly, because I like to see the reaction of people when they finally meet me.

2. If you were stranded on a desert island and had to choose one of these two people to be with you, who would you choose? Alex Trebek or Pat Sajak? Trebek. Because it would be more fun to torture him. And he probably makes a better coconut creme pie.

3. If there is a speed of sound and a speed of light, is there a speed of smell? Please give an example. There is a speed of smell but it depends on what was eaten within the past hour.

4. If you got cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who would you complain to? Tom Bosely. He seems very fair. And remember when Richie and Potsie lost the money in the poker game and he won it all back? Yeah. You remember.

5. What is the right height of a mini me? This big.

6. If you woke up tomorrow and had an new accent, what accent would you prefer? Any. As long as it was super duper loud.

7. If you woke up tomorrow next to a woman with an accent, which accent would you prefer? Italian

8. If a bunch of yaks jumped on top of each other, would it still be called a dog pile? It's actaully called a grup. They do that sometimes to protect themselves from predators. For real. Naaa. I just made that up.

9. What would you choose to eat for a last meal? Crawfish au grautin over top of a rib eye. And maybe human.

10. If you had to stuck for a solid month with a bitchy woman with a great body or a hilariously funny woman with saggy boobs, who would you pick and why? Depends if I thought I could seduce and tame the bitchy woman. But I'd rather spend time with a funny woman with the saggy boobs as long as she didn't have a butterface. (Shawn here: Can't imagine why I came up with THAT question! ::snort::)

11. (Bonus question) When am I going to see a scowling blue yak peering at me from my followers party pit? Once this gets posted. (Oh, yeah..and there it is! I'm a happy saggy-boobed woman now!)


And there ya go, your little tidbit about Zibbs. One of these days I'll let you around me. The woman that was around Zibbs. Heh.

I'm not Ragin Hormone, I swear I'm not!

That darn Snarkiness! She's always messing with me! I will admit that I used to have a bit of a hormonal side but ever since Shawn has been taking that lovely little blue on blue hormone pill, there has hardly been a bit of 'ragin' going on.

I'm just simply Emotional, that's all. Lovely and simple. You know what else is lovely and simple? My cat Cupcake. She was just a half-drowned, half-dead little kitten that someone just tossed out before she was even old enough to eat on her own. We found her in the front yard...couldn't even see because her eye infections were so bad. Now she's my nap buddy. So sweet!

Hey! Who left the ketchup on the dining room table? Again! Oh, great. There's the mustard to keep it company. It's a regular condiment mosh pit, I tell ya!

Why doesn't anyone pick up after themselves? Why am I the one that gets stuck doing the real cleaning? Waaaaahh! I wanna be rich and have a housekeeper and a chef and a personal trainer....and....and...:::sniff::::...and I want a world that doesn't tear itself apart and I want...oh, hell, I don't even really know what I want.

I'm going to get a glass of wine and curl up and watch Lifetime Movies all day long.

All my love,
Shawn's Emotional side (NOT aka Ragin Hormone)