I'm Baaa-aaa-aaack!

What's that? Huh? You didn't notice I was gone?! Well..pbbbbtttt!



No worries, I'll soon bowl you over with all of my adventures I've been having! A week home alone without children (except 1 teenager but that's practically alone!)


A wonderful week in Pagosa Springs, Colorado.


A family reunion week in Bella Vista, Arkansas.

And now..home again. It's nice to be home again.


My little house-cleaning elves that I wished for didn't show up though. Sheesh.

It's Silly Saturday time!

This is a day that I'm kinda leaning towards doing some sort of 'linky' thing just to give everyone a quick grin for the weekend. I'm still working out the bugs though so for now...sit back and enjoy the funny.

In the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy (and 'cause I 'have' a few rednecks in the old family tree) here is a few redneck'isms for ya.

Here's a redneck time-out. Ha! This is tempting!



Now a redneck really knows how to pimp a ride!



But family time always trumps everything.



I'd like to leave ya'll with this:

A state trooper pulls over a pickup and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
The redneck says, "Bout wut?"

Ya'll have a wonderful weekend!

Twinkies, Kindle and Wine

I just love Fridays. Mostly cause it is leading into the weekend but also because it's Jaci's Blog Fart Friday and I get to just say whatever the heck is popping into my little old head.

Like this funny joke I heard the other day:

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her dad is getting his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Honey, you are going to get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know. I'm gonna get boobs too."

I just love jokes like that.

I'm also totally in love with my Kindle. I'm not getting much done around the house because I keep wanting to read something else...and it's just so EASY to get something else to read.

Ya'll have a great weekend! I think I just might try to get a garden in. Hopefully. Maybe. I might end up drinking some wine instead. I'll let ya know.

Saggy Boob Realities

It's always a good thing when your family truly understands what you are going through. She fully commiserated with me during this time of stress.

My sister sent this to me, just to let me know she cares.



Isn't she just the best?!

I'm a blogging star!

Ya'll know Jenny right? Well, you might know her as The Bloggess but to me, she's just Jenny. Me and Jenny, we be mates. (name that movie reference)

I was snooping about and noticed that people were coming over from "Ask the Bloggess" site so I meandered over and checked out what she was up to these days and lo and behold! She had my name up in lights!

Umm, answering a question on her site is the same as having my name up in lights right? Yeah, I thought so too.

Head over there and take a gander at my question and what she said about it. I'm rather scared now actually.

http://askthebloggess.pnn.com/articles/show/43675-pulling-out-nipple-hair-could-kill-you

I told Da Man about my brush with superstardom. I don't think I've ever heard him groan so loudly.

Song for Mother's Day!

Ya'll might have seen this but it still cracks me up and is sooooo true!

Everyone have a great Mother's Day!

Ooops, I've been gone..but here's how my week has been!

A peek in Shawn's life this past week:

First, I had trouble getting out of bed.

Then I had a stiff neck

I washed my hair and couldn't do a THING with it!

My new diet doesn't seem to be working out.

I pulled a muscle when I tried to work out,

and then my boss chewed me out at work.

To top it off, lunch didn't seem to agree with me.

I feel trapped.

Univited guests showed up at dinnertime,

and on top of that, I think I'm coming down with the flu.

Last night, I was hearing strange sounds coming from the basement.

I hope next week is better!

From now on, I'm going to handle stressful situations like a dog.


If I can't eat it or play with it,
I'm going to pee on it and walk away.

Just a quick post!

:::snicker:::

:::snort:::

Humor quotient of a 9 year old...'member?

That thing that happened on the playground....you know, that THING!?

Mama Kat is prompting again..and this week I wasn't strong enough to say No. So I chose the prompt, Tell us about that time at the playground when that thing happened. Ha! I knew exactly what I was gonna write about.


This day will live forever in my mind. It's the day of...of...well, read for yourself.

A long, long time ago in the far off kingdom of Smalltownkansasville, there was a young lady named Shawn. (Yeah, she has a boy's name, gonna make sumpin of it?)


Anyhoo, she gathered with her friends on the grounds of the old schoolhouse. It was a favorite gathering spot for them all.

In particular, one of her favorite friends was this boy. A boy her age. A boy in her grade. A boy that was cute and sweet and made her heart go pitter-pat whenever he looked her way.


They sat together on the grassy lawn under the canopies of giant old oak trees. The other friends began to gather around as they noticed the pre-teen flirting going on. The innocent young love must have been casting out ever-expanding pheromone circles because before long everyone had gathered around the young pair.

It all started with a few looks, a few grins, a playful shove here and there among the onlookers. It quickly escalated to "Just kiss her already!" Their statements burned in the ears of young Shawn and she thought to herself, "Will he? Will I?"

They glanced at each other and at the same moment leaned in quickly for the first 'real' kiss of their young lives.

Unfortunately, they both leaned in just a little too quickly and while their lips did meet, their momentum kept them going so their teeth also bonked together hard enough that each had a bit of a fat lip afterwards.

So there it is. The story of my first kiss. On a playground. Ending in a fat lip.
He DID take me to the movies later and we worked on the whole kissing thing and got much better at it...but that first kiss? It will be with me forever.




P.S. I'm such a traffic ho, I'm totally adding this to The Mom Jen's Thousand Word Thursday.

A favorite joke of mine! Silly Saturday

I should start something called Silly Saturday and get that Mr. Linky thingamajig. Something to just make us all grin to start out our weekend the way it should be. Smiling and happy. Silly...nothing beats being silly.

So I think I'm gonna...who's with me?

So sit back, prop up your feet, grab your drink and let me tell ya a story.

This guy was walking along a country road when he happened to notice a pig with a wooden leg in a field.

He saw the farmer leaning up against the fence and walked over to ask him about that pig.

The farmer says, "Oh, that pig. That isn't any ordinary pig you see there. Last summer, my wife fell into the farm pond and that pig jumped in, grabbed my wife and pulled her out. Saved my wife's life."

The guy says, "Wow, that's great!"

The farmers says, "That's not all either. Just a few months ago the house caught on fire and that pig jumped onto the back porch and grabbed my baby girl and pulled her out. Saved my baby girl's life."

The guy says, "That. Is. Amazing! So what's the story about the wooden leg?"

The farmer says....(scroll down for it...)

















The farmer says, "Well, you can't eat a pig like that all at once!"

Bwahahaha...just makes your hiney cringe doesn't it!

So should I add a Mr. Linky ...starting next Saturday? What do you guys think? Good idea or not? Perhaps a manic Monday instead? Should I shut up and go sit in my corner with my wine? ;o)

God made kids cute for a reason....

I don't know if I'd survive this....

Wow, my eyeball just about popped out!

Apparently there are a ton of people with their panties all in a twist because of this...personally I don't see a problem. These dogs are sure being taken care of and have tons of money spent on 'em. Better than my much-loved, overweight flea-bitten slobber maker I call Dog! BTW, this is call Extreme Grooming and there are major competitions. I've only just now found out about this. I really wish someone would get the memo that I'm supposed to be NOTIFIED when things like this are happening!

This is rather amazing what people can do with dog fur...but what do YOU all think? Cause it really is all about ya'll.

The Camel

St. Patrick's Day dog

Rooster Boy

Gone Fishin'

Ninja Turtle

Grapes

Wounded Soldier (he only has 3 legs)

Clydesdale

Peacock

Buffalo

Excuse me while I go pet my dog. I think he has a complex now.

My name is Shawn and I have saggy boobs.

I realize that this is a subject rarely touched on but since this IS the blogging world and NO subject is sacred, I'm gonna touch it.

I've always wanted to be that person that sees the silver lining in all situations. If I can't be that person, then I'll be the person that finds something to laugh about in that situation. So here is the upside of saggy boobs (there's an oxymoron if you've ever heard one!).

• I can carry an extra book or 3 ring binder when my hands are already full.


• I can tie my hair back with my breasts when all of my rubber bands have broken.


• I can truly 'slap someone silly'.


• I can provide a nice breeze on a hot day for my family just by jumping up and down.


• I can spin in a circle for a long time due to extra centrifugal force.


• I can put any baby in the world to sleep just by laying them on my boobs.

Please help me add to this list. We must raise up the moods of big-breasted women everywhere! Let's show them our support!

Now this is MY kind of living will!

I, Shawn AKA numberonesistah, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Diet Dr. Pepper
Chocolate
Hamburger
Sex
Red Beer
Cool Whip
Chocolate
Cheesecake
Chicken fried steak
Cream gravy
Sex
Mexican food
Chocolate
French fries
Chocolate
Pizza
Sex
Ice cream
Chinese food
Chocolate
Chocolate
Sex
Chocolate

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hearby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, kick the bucket, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing', and call it a day!
(totally stolen from Maxine!)