I'm Baaa-aaa-aaack!

What's that? Huh? You didn't notice I was gone?! Well..pbbbbtttt!



No worries, I'll soon bowl you over with all of my adventures I've been having! A week home alone without children (except 1 teenager but that's practically alone!)


A wonderful week in Pagosa Springs, Colorado.


A family reunion week in Bella Vista, Arkansas.

And now..home again. It's nice to be home again.


My little house-cleaning elves that I wished for didn't show up though. Sheesh.

BFF, Oopsie, Intersections

Howdy gang! Oh me? Umm..yeah, 'bout that. I've been NOT on the computer this week. Yeah, I know..I think I must be sick also. My mom called this morning though in near hysteria cuz she just KNEW that I must have been killed and my body stashed in some sort of barrel to be tossed in the bottom of our lake since I hadn't been blogging.

Or..she called and told me to get my lazy butt up and start blogging again. Who votes for the second one? Mom..put your hand down, you aren't allowed to vote.

Something else I was lazy about..that darn weight loss ticker that was above my blog. The one that said it hadn't been updated in 80 days and was announcing it to EVERYONE that I hadn't done anything with it. I got rid of it. I feel lighter already.

The weirdest thing keeps happening to me and my sister, Tammy. Around spring break, she and I both showed up in Branson, MO. Our paths only crossed for an evening but we got to see each other and have dinner. I live in Kansas (duh) and she's in Oklahoma. Anyway...I called her the other night to see if she wanted to join me for a couple of days on my next getaway to Colorado. It goes like this:

Me: Hey Tammy! Whatcha doin' on May 30th?

Tammy: Hey Shawn, o' favorite sister of mine. I'm afraid I'm going to be out of town then if you were wanting to come down here? (okay..so maybe I elaborated a tiny bit)

Tammy: (groans inwardly thinking I'm wanting to invade her space - and yes, I knew that she was doing this) I'm gonna be outta town Shawn and no, you can't have my house while I'm gone. (I like the other version better, don't you?)

Shawn: Oh, too bad. I was hoping you could join Da Man and I, we have a condo available with an extra bedroom.

Tammy: That would have been fun, but we are going to be doing a haunting investigation in Pagosa Springs, CO.

Shawn: NO SHIT!!! That's where we are going to be also! That's where I was inviting you to!

After we get over our shock and laughing about that and meeting up in Branson earlier this year...we discover that the weekend following the Colorado trip we are both going to be in the same area of Arkansas also.

How weird is it that I mainly get to see my sister in other states? I mean..sheesh, I can't get rid of her if I try!

Ya'll head on over to Jaci's blog to see if she's got the list up for BFF! It's always fun to get a little peek into people's heads. Sorry, I was gone...I'll be good! I promise! Oh, I'm not supposed to cross my fingers when I say that. Geez, you are tough.

Saggy Boob Realities

It's always a good thing when your family truly understands what you are going through. She fully commiserated with me during this time of stress.

My sister sent this to me, just to let me know she cares.



Isn't she just the best?!

Song for Mother's Day!

Ya'll might have seen this but it still cracks me up and is sooooo true!

Everyone have a great Mother's Day!

Post 100. Pill Bugs. Imagination. And a little about Me.

Well, here I am. I made it to number 100. I had been thinking earlier in the week just what was I going to do to celebrate this milestone. I've now tossed out all of my previous ideas and I'm just gonna rattle on for a bit. Blame it on the wine. My glass is full (again).



I'm the oldest of 5 kids. Yes, my mother must have gone a wee bit insane. Actually a LOT insane considering that the first 4 of us were all born in 6 years. That just makes the ole vahjayjay clench up don't it?! (BTW, I have NO idea who this woman is but I have seen this exact same expression on my mother's face!)



When I was a kid...I had the weirdest imagination. I could 'SEE' farts. There were the zippy little quick ones. They zoomed around the room, would bounce off people. The worst were the long, sloooow, mushy sounding ones. They kinda oozed outta people's shorts and were a drippy looking green. Sometimes they even had different colors mashed up in 'em also. Bleh. My family would often even ask me, "What's that one looking like Shawn?" And I'd tell them. I was just the nutty little kid.



I also had a very definite conscience. I wish he looked like Jiminy Cricket. I mean how cool would THAT have been.



Instead, my conscience was a blue-uniformed police officer that stood in a lifeguards tower and blew his whistle when I started doing something that I wasn't supposed to do. He was really a pain! He'd just keep on blowing that whistle until I finally stopped. Can we say 'juvenile schizophrenia'? ::snort:: (Yeah, that pic has some sort of 'do not steal' thingie across it but, but, it was PERFECT!)



My middle sister though, she's the most like me as far as sense of humor goes. She's freakin' Hi-larious so of course I think she's the most like me! ::snicker:: Seriously though, I wish she'd get her butt back to blogging a little more frequently cause I miss the way she makes me laugh.



I do have to confess one thing that I did to her as a child though. Ya'll remember those pill bugs? I called 'em rolie polies. I gathered up a handful one day. (In Oklahoma they are under any rock you pick up.) I tossed 'em in a bowl and swirled it around. Those little bugs just curl right up and roll around as cute as you please.



Then I told her she had to eat her peas. She didn't really want to but I told her she HAD to or she was gonna get in 'Big Trouble'. She ate em. My mom caught me. Guess who was the one that ended up in 'Big Trouble'? Heh.



Okay, I'll show you a little better. Here's a REAL picture of a pill bug instead of that little cartoony one which makes 'em look cute. I was so bad.



So that's about it. A long, weird, rambling post for my number 100. I'm blaming it on the wine but actually it's just me. All me. Only me. Bwahahahahaha!

I Wasn't Dating Him, I Swear! (or) Happy Birthday Sis!

It's April Fool's Day and as much as I'd like to get down and dirty with some joke, instead I'm obligated to say Happy Birthday to my April Fool Sister.


I AM going to tell a story about her though just so we all know who we are talking about here.

I am the oldest of all the sisters but we were all a bit afraid of my sister Kelly. to begin with, she never forgot anything! This meant she was perfect for blackmailing any of us and I she certainly put that talent to us on me and my sister Tammy.

The story I'm going to tell though is this one. She used to date a guy named Heeberdee. (Yes, the name is changed to protect the guilty). Heeberdee and I were party buddies (and when I say party buddies, well, we really partied) Like, stay out all night and pass out somewhere type of party...but those days are long ago.


She became convinced that I was 'after' her boyfriend, Heeberdee. I tried to tell her that I wasn't, we were just friends. He was 2 years older than I was which meant he was 4 years older than her. (too old for her at that age anyway) And honestly, I really wasn't after him, we were just friends. She just didn't believe that though.

One day when I was getting off work and was on my way home, Kelly decided that she had had enough with her suspicions and was going to do something about it. She sure did. She laid in wait for me behind the front door with rolls of dimes in each hand. She punched me as soon as I came in, dimes when flying everywhere.


As the fists were flying so were her words. I really don't remember exactly what she said that day since I was quite busy with ducking and trying to save my life. They were something along the lines of 'This will teach you to mess with my man.' You know, the general suspicious girlfriend words while beating someone else's ass.

I ended up locking myself into a bathroom until she cooled down and I don't think she ever did believe that I wasn't after her boyfriend.

I think the fact that I moved in with him about a month later and eventually married him was part of the problem.


So, if you see my sister today, please wish her a Happy Birthday. And watch out for her left..it's a doozie.

The Big Fat Lie

I love Mama Kat's Writing Assignments and then blending it with Thousand Word Thursdays. It really gets me thinking. The week the prompt that got my brain to percolating was:

#4. You can go back to your childhood for one day. What day and age do you choose?

I instantly jumped back to a fall day in 1976. I was 12 years old. We had moved from Oklahoma City to a tiny little town here in Kansas. I believe it had about 200 people. I became the paper girl that fall and had over 80 papers to deliver.


This little town had a beautiful old schoolhouse that had been closed a couple of years before. All the small towns were closing down and consolidating districts. Our bus driver, Mr. Jennings, was caretaker for this building and lived just next door.

One day, the 'gang', pretty much all the kids that lived in town, were playing over by the schoolhouse when we noticed that the back door was open that led into the gymnasium. We peeked in and were just so tempted to play in it. I wandered off a bit from the rest of the group when I found myself face to face with a man I hadn't ever seen before. He told me that he was staying over at the Jennings's house and it was fine if we wanted to go in and play for awhile.

I happily scampered back to the gang and let everyone know the good news! Off we went. We played basketball and dodge ball. We checked out the kitchen, which still had pots and pans in it! The classrooms still had desks and chalk and erasers. It was like a dream come true. This was the best way to play school ever! In a full stocked actual school house.

A couple of hours into this perfect play day, Mr. Jennings stopped by and was not very happy at all! He made all of us leave the school house, scolded us big time for making a mess and wanted to know WHO had said they could play in there. The kids parted as if they were the Red Sea and I was left facing Mr. Jennings.


I quickly told him about the man that had given us permission and he wanted to know more. What did he look like? Where exactly was he? Where had he gone? My brain just froze, I didn't know what he looked like, he was just a shadowy kinda guy. I was marched over to my house and my parents were then updated on the situation.

I was a good kid. I took care of my little sisters. I did what I was told. I was well-mannered. I told them about this man I had seen and talked to. I told them that he was a black man and I didn't know where he had gone after he talked to me. He had been standing in the shadows of the trees and so I really hadn't seen him that well, plus he had a hat on.

My dad drove around the small town looking for anyone out of place. No one had seen anyone unusual and certainly not a black man. (For a small town of 200 white people, he would have been noticed.) They came back to me and I could see confusion, uncertainty and skepticism in their eyes. They were beginning to doubt my story. They talked to me.

Mom: "Shawn, tell us again EXACTLY who you saw and what he said."

Mom: "He was standing where?"

Mom: "And you didn't get a good look at him because he was in the shadows and had a hat on hmm?"

Finally, I broke and all my words came out in a tearful rush.

Me: "I'msorryIjustwantedtoplayanditjustcameout."

Mom: "So, no black man?"

Me: "No. Idon'tknowwhyIsaidthatI'msosorryI'msosorry."


I was so ashamed of myself. It was the first time I had told a lie of this magnitude. The entire town knew I told a lie. My parents were embarrassed as well. To this day, I can't believe that I made up some mystery man and then turned him into a black man to take the fall.

If I could go back in time, I'd go back and NOT tell this lie.

(Later on, I'll have tell you about how I got really good at sneaking out and lying as a teenager though! hehe)

I gots a brudder.

Yep, I do. I also have 3 younger sisters which I had for a long time, then my mom ditched my dad and picked up another husband. She finally got her boy. It just took a new man to do it. So anyone out there with too many boys or girls..just change husbands. Works like a charm.


Anyway, this boy was born when I was 13 years old. Yep, I liked him pretty much. And yes, we traumatized him forever by playing baby doll with him. Something weird happened though by the time I was 18. He was 5 and such a little snot. All I can remember from him during those years is saying 'Duh' 'Doi' 'Du-uh' and various obnoxious noises like that. I had much cooler things to listen to so I wrote him off. Literally, I think for the next 18 years after that I still thought of him as that obnoxious little boy that got on my nerves.

Then he got married. Then he was talking to me about buying houses. And school districts. It was the biggest wake-up call ever! I was totally like "OMG! Who is this guy and why haven't I liked him before?"

Once when I living on my own in Oklahoma City, I came back home to find my door crashed in and things missing from the house. I called my brother and tearfully told him about it. I remember clearly, he only said once sentence to me as I cried on the phone to him. "I'm on my way."


I love my brudder.

A letter from home

Dear Shawn,

I miss you. Don’t you love me anymore? I remember the days when you used to wander through my rooms dreaming of things that we could do together. Ways to grow and improve. Projects that we would tackle together. Have you forgotten all of our plans?

You used to vacuum me at least once a week and let’s not forget those incredible dusting sessions. You would lovingly run your hands across my sills, counters and sometimes even my baseboards! I loved that. I miss that.

Yes, yes, I hear you talking about how you are working and that the whole family is supposed to be caring for me now, but things just aren’t the same. I try to love those boys but they climb on my banisters and are always slamming my doors. You know how I hate having my doors slammed.

I hope that we can work this out. I don’t want things to get nasty. I don’t want to do this but I’m forced to say that if you don’t start caressing me again as only you can do, I’ll have to start emitting odors from hard to find places. I might have to clog a few sinks and let mice back into the house. Do not force me to throw some breakers here.

I love you. I want you back. You know the males in this house just don’t clean me like you do. I’ll be waiting patiently for you.

Sincerely,

Your forgiving though filthy house.

Pet Peeve #247

Okay, I find myself the only woman in a house of various ages of the male variety.

Am I the only one that has figured out that if you don't rinse off MOST of the crap that is on the dishes BEFORE you put them in, that the crap will just fly around inside there and dry into cement on the most hard to scrape off spot that can be found?

I mean..come on! We don't have the ultra deluxe souped up fantabulous dishwasher with 8 million spray jets and a garbage disposal built in and little elves that pop in and make sure every dish is sparkling clean when the cycle is finished.

Sometimes they do the dishes, sometimes they even put them up. 99.5% of the time that those two things occur, it is followed with me taking down dish after dish after glass after glass with dried on stuck on whoknowswhat on it.

I am so tempted to work an extra shift a week and hire a housekeeper! It totally defeats the point of having the 'whole family' help keep up with chores around the house, but it sure would do wonders for my blood pressure!

Valentine's day Someone Special Tag

Jason at The Jason Show kinda sort tagged me with this (in the same way he was kinda sorta tagged I think)! I thought it was a good way to love up on my hubby so I grabbed it.

Here's the card that he got me for Valentine's Day. He usually gets me serious cards and this year it's humorous and I love it! It shows a man doing various things during the card and says:

For My Wife on Valentine's Day
When something needs doing,
I don't always do it...
When something needs fixing,
I don't hop right to it... this part is very true! ;o)

When the checkbook's a mess,
I may throw a fit...
When the going gets tough,
I've been known to quit... this part isn't accurate, but I enjoy the rhyme

When I shampoo and shave,
I may splash up the floor...
And the junk I collect
may spoil our decor... Very true! just wait until I tell you guys about his junk!

When I start off each day,
I don't always smile...
When we step out to dine,
it may not be in style... Yep, diners, buffets but we DO go out and I'm not complainin'!
I may have my faults,
but one thing's sure true...
I did something right
when I married You! Aww, how sweet!

Love, Da Man

1. Husband's name: Dan aka Da Man

2. How long have you been married? 2 1/2 years

3. How long did you date? 1 1/2 years

4. How old is he? coming up on 52nd birthday

5. Who eats more sweets? He does. I go in spurts with chocolate candy but he's consistent, especially with ice cream.

6. Who is the better singer? He is. I can make dogs howl, he's in the community choir.

7. Who is smarter? Ohh..quite the question. He's the first man I've ever been with that I can honestly say is intellectually smarter than I am. I think I'm smarter socially and emotionally...does that make sense?

8. Who does the laundry? We all do our own. Even getting the kids to start doing their own also. I tend to do the extras..towels and linens.

9. Who pays the bills? He does. Thank goodness. I hate dealing with bills, insurance. Bleh.

10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Me. I'm deaf in my left ear and this way I can sleep on my 'good' ear while being able to stick various body parts out into the cold air while I'm bundled up under the covers! It works great, I often don't hear storms, snoring, the various rustles of the night (or day!)

11. Who mows the lawn? He does, but now that The Dude is living with us, he might be doing some of that now.

12. Who cooks dinner? We split it. I tend to cook on the weekends. He cooks 3 of the weeknights and The Dude has 2 nights that he works on his cooking skills.

13. Who drives? We both drive our own vans. Mine is new...it took over a month before I let him drive it also! lol

14. Who is the first to say they are wrong? I am. Honestly, I hate to say this. He's rarely wrong. So, I've gotten better at it.

15. Who kissed who first? It was a mutual 'lean-in'.

16. Who asked who out first? I asked him out..three times before he said yes! He had good excuses why he couldn't go each time which is why I kept trying, but had decided after three times that I had reached my limit. He called me and asked me out for our first actual date.

17. Who wears the pants? Good question. Actually I think we are both in shorts. We make decisions equally, he generally takes the lead in financial decisions and I take the lead in social decisions. We talk things over and come to an agreement. That's the way it should be right?

Hmm..I'm glad that I did this, makes me realize what a great guy I have. 'Bout damn time, took me three tries to find him! I tossed two other hubs back into the sea before I found this keeper!

Feel free to take this meme if you'd like. It's a bit of a free-for-all.

Does it get any better?

Mmm..it's early and dark and quiet in the house. All the children and the husband are still asleep. The cat is purring at my feet. The coffee is hot and made with french vanilla creamer just the way I like it.

I think the still of the morning, the calm before the storm of the day...that's the best time to realize just how lucky we are. I have a starring role in this family of ours and while it has had it's ups and downs, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Thinking of my dad...

My dad has been on my mind lately. He's my stepfather legally but in every way that really matters, he's my dad. A post by Snooty Primadona got me thinking about some of the stuff that he did when I was a teenager still living at home.



Let me preface these by showing you my dad. He's one of those hard-working men who looks older than he actually is. He married my mom after knowing her for 3, yes, THREE weeks and she already had 4, yes, FOUR daughters! He was only 26 years old. We turned him gray-headed in two years flat.

I have three stories I want to share. The first is how protective he was, the second is the 'dad' story of when he flat out caught me doing wrong, and the last is when he was having fun but embarrased the crapola out of me. I still laugh to think of the last one.

I was 11 when they got married and by the time that boys were interested in me, boys were interested in several of my younger sisters as well. He was the only man in the house until my little brother was born and sorry bro, but baby boys don't really count in the man-count. Anyway, as the various stud-muffins of our little town would drop by to pick us up, my dad would very oddly pick that very time to clean his shotgun in the living room. He wouldn't ever say much..just clean his gun..stare at the boy that was brave enough to cross into the entryway..and ask him if knew how to tell time. "I expect her back by 11:00." That was it but let me tell ya, it was certainly 'nuff said ya know what I mean?! I actually felt bad for those guys...not that it was what lead me to sneaking outta the house later to meet these boys a couple of years later. Oh..did I actually type that out-loud? Oh well, I'm 45. I can't get grounded now. Right? Right?

Another time that is engraved in my memory is when I was at a wrestling match with some friends of mine and we decided to go 'cruise first street'. That of course is the primary socializing activity for my small hometown in Kansas. I wasn't supposed to leave the wrestling match though. And of course..what always happens when you are doing something you aren't supposed to do? Yep, you drive right past your dad going the opposite direction and see him do a U-turn in the rear-view mirror. At this point, my incredibly quick thinking friends yelled "Lose him"! I immediately turned into a shortcut through the hospital parking lot and hit the gas. I veered through there and came out the back street. I made a few more quick turns and lo and behold! there he was again! Right behind us! I made one more quick turn...and I should tell you now that we had a big snowstorm a day or so before...the car slid on the snow and ice and headed nose-first into a big snowbank. I was stuck. It was total silence in that car. My dad stopped his truck behind me and when he got out..I swear to God, the man was 9 foot tall! He walked up, opened the door and said "Get in the truck now." Me and my two girlfriends scrambled out and into his truck, the silence continued. He drove back to the high school where 4 more words were spoken. "Get out. Not you." My friends looked at my like they knew they would never see me again. I didn't think I'd ever be seen again. He drove me home and again he spoke. "Give me your driver's license." I did. I got out and he drove off. I knew my execution was delayed long enough for him to think about which method would derive the most amount of torture for me.
He apparently drove to my mom's shop and told her what happened while shaking my license in the air. He wanted to burn it then and there. She laughed. Yes, my dear mother who loves me more than anything, laughed. I think that probably didn't help my cause at that point. She had told him earlier that I was going to the match and than she had told me that I could go get a drink in town if I wanted. She didn't tell me that but she told him that. But..I panicked and tried to outrun him, thereby sealing my fate and future execution. Needless to say, I did survive that incident and did eventually get my license back. I think I was grounded about 2 months and didn't have my car the whole time. He became a legend in my school.

My last story that I want to tell you about is when he embarrassed me. Back in the day, you could be 18 to go into a bar. My mom bartended for a short time at one of the local nightclubs and I'd go in to see her now and then. One weekend night I was there chatting with her and a bunch of the locals. My dad was there also and there was quite the party going on. I was out dancing and having lots of fun when I realized that my dad was out dancing with one of my parent's friends also. My dad can't dance. Let me restate that..the man cannot dance. To make matters worse, a neighbor at the bar is laughing at his dancing antics and yells at him "Get down and dance!" My dad...LAID down on the dance floor and wiggled all over! Everyone was laughing and I was trying my very best to melt into the wall so no one would realize that he was in my family! Looking back on it now, I'd probably do exactly what he did! Life is about having fun. Being smack dab in teenage angst and self esteem issues, I thought I was going to die. Now..it's one of my favorite memories of him. Laughing and 'dancing' on the floor with my mom laughing while rolling her eyes at her silly husband.

I love you and I'm thinking of you.
Shawn

Woohoo! Let's meet the fam!

A huge thank you to my dear hubby for getting the wireless up and going! This is so cool now that I can load up all my pictures and post away! So say Hello to Da Man!




Here is my oldest son..affectionately known as Magnet. It's a long story that I'll tell sometime!




This is the youngest son who has various names depending on the mood he's in for the day! He goes by Alien or Twerp or COTU (center of the universe). Can you tell what kind of stage he's going through just now?! I love him dearly but there are days I'm not sure he's going to make it until his next birthday! Just kidding...I think! ;o)




This is Little Boss with her daddy....she's totally a daddy's girl, or more truthfully, she's her daddy's boss! hehehe..you guys just THINK I'm kidding here don't ya? (wink)




And here is the newest member of the live-in family aka The Dude. He just turned 16! Sounds (and often acts) just like his dad! He moved in with us at the beginning of January and is going to school here now.


Okay, I'll get some more up later, I haven't posted any pics of Hippie Chick and Sketch, the two oldest girls that don't live with us.

Thanks for meeting my family!