Friday, February 20, 2009

Code Springer

Code Red - Fire

Code Blue - Cardiac Arrest

Code Black - Disaster of some sort

Nurses, paramedics, medical people in general..we have lots of 'Code' names. The ones above, you probably have heard at some point. The one you haven't is Code Springer.

A Code Springer is called when there is a situation occurring in the hospital (or 'on the floor' in nurse-speak) that is worthy of a Jerry Springer show. You would be surprised how often this happens.

I've decided to start sharing the odd story here and there with you, my readers. Because if I have to live with these in my head, then you do too.

Now before anyone starts going all crazy and yelling about HIPPA (health information patient privacy act or something along those lines) let me just tell ya that I have been a nurse for almost 24 years in 4 different states including major metropolises so no one is going to know who, where or when any of these occurred. Names will be changed to protect the guilty. I just couldn't bring myself to say innocent. Well, see for yourself.

A young woman was in labor. Her first child. A really big guy was with her and was doing quite well being supportive during her labor pains. We began discussing what her expectations were so that we could try to provide the best experience we could. Nurses are generally kinda weird that way. We like to help.

We also start on various paperwork while things are in the early stages...start filling out parental information on birth certificates, things like that. I asked 'dad' for some of his information.

Woman: "Oh no, he's not the father."

Okay, things like that happen. No problem. She is married though so I need her husbands information for the paperwork.

Woman: "Do you need my husband's information or the father of baby? And I don't want that man in here you know."

Me: "Which one do you not want in here?"

Woman: "Actually, I don't want either one in here. But the father is getting out of jail today and he'll probably find out that I'm in here."

Me: "Interesting. Does you husband know that you are here?"

It turns out that this woman was still currently married, had affair with guy #1, gotten pregnant, had affair with guy #2, they fought and guy #1 beats the crap out of guy #2, guy #1 is thrown in jail, guy #2 decides beating wasn't worth it and leaves, husband discovers that he's probably not the father, she goes into labor with current guy #3 on the day that guy #1 is due out of jail. Guy #3 tells me not to worry because if he shows up, he'll take care of him himself. Yeah, that made me feel better.

Code Springer was called.

The story ends with jail guy not showing up, husband showing up and begging for wife to come back to him, no sign of guy #2, guy #3 in and out, just missing husband and falling in love with a baby that isn't his. I still look for them when I click past Jerry sometimes.


J Cosmo Newbery said...

Ye Gods!

♺ All words used in this comment may be recycled. ♺

ChiefChick said...

This is real life - - you just can't make this shit up! Wow, I'll bet between you, Kel and Teri, you guys could write a heck of a book on this kind of stuff!

hermomsometimes said...

This is a test, only a test, do not adjust your computer.

hermomsometimes said...

Yea! it worked.

Jason, as himself said...

Oh boy.

I have the feeling I may very well have been involved in a Code Springer at one time of my life or another.

Interesting stuff!

numberonesistah said...

Yep, your story is coming up in a later post Jason! ;o)