Thursday, February 26, 2009

You'll never look at a lumber yard the same!

This isn't quite a Code Springer, it's more in the land of OMG! I can't believe that actually happened!

Way back and forever ago, I was such a nice young nurse. Very sweet, very caring. It's rather amazing how much more obnoxious we get (or maybe it's just me) as we get more experienced in the nursing field. Personally, I blame it on the doctor's we have to work with. There are great ones, don't get me wrong, but boy oh boy, there are some real doozies also. Anyway, I digress.

I worked with this Jamaican nurse who had been trained in England. The most fabulous accent. Gawd, I could have listened to her talk all day. She was a very experienced nurse. She would say absolutely anything to anybody. She used to pull the OB/Gyn's scrub pants up when he was bent over and showing a plumber's crack. Yep. And this was even in the day when we were supposed to give up our seat if the Doctor (capital D you notice) showed up. I really liked her.

So, to my story. Picture a 300+ pound woman in labor. I have nothing against big women. Hell, I'm turning into one myself I'm afraid. Gah..but that's another story that requires lots and lots of alcohol.

This big woman has this little stick of a husband. Isn't it odd how that seems to happen? But this woman is so big that it takes Three of us just to check her for dilation. Yep, one pulling up one thigh, the other holding up the other thigh, while the nurse actually checking her digs in her feet and shoves up the belly flap so she can get to where she needs to go.

You all picturing this right? Disturbing, I know. I apologize.

Jamaican nurse is the one doing the actual checking and she looks at this woman and says "Honey, it takes three of us to just check you. How in the world did you even get pregnant?"

I about died. Remember, I was shy and sweet back then. Now, I probably would have asked the same thing.

It didn't faze this lady in the least. In fact, she was quite open about how this actually occurred.

"Oh, that's easy. I covered a piece of wood with fabric and when we are ready to have sex, I just put the wood under my belly and pull it up."

Of course, that left the thigh problem but my imagination quickly filled in the skinny little husband just wedging himself in there to do the deed.

So now I ask you, do you think the smell of cedar was a turn on? Does this give new meaning to the term 'morning wood'?

Do you think you'll ever walk through a lumber yard again without thinking of this story?


Staci said...

I just can't think of a thing to say about that! bwahahahahaha

ChiefChick said...

Oh My God. I guess where there is a will there is a way?!?

SassyTwoSocks said...

OMG. Great story. I will never forget this.

Anonymous said...


Holy smokes.

hermomsometimes said...


hermomsometimes said...

OMG I can't believe it. After days of being unable to post anywhere on any blog it finally took my comment, yeah.

noble pig said...

Funny, but since my husband is an OB/GYN I have heard many the story of this kind. He says it's so difficult to really get a good exam. This visual made me laugh.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

OMG was she bored(board) during sex. I needed a good laugh.

Mariah said...

Loved the visual... HAHA