I'm Baaa-aaa-aaack!

What's that? Huh? You didn't notice I was gone?! Well..pbbbbtttt!



No worries, I'll soon bowl you over with all of my adventures I've been having! A week home alone without children (except 1 teenager but that's practically alone!)


A wonderful week in Pagosa Springs, Colorado.


A family reunion week in Bella Vista, Arkansas.

And now..home again. It's nice to be home again.


My little house-cleaning elves that I wished for didn't show up though. Sheesh.

BFF, Oopsie, Intersections

Howdy gang! Oh me? Umm..yeah, 'bout that. I've been NOT on the computer this week. Yeah, I know..I think I must be sick also. My mom called this morning though in near hysteria cuz she just KNEW that I must have been killed and my body stashed in some sort of barrel to be tossed in the bottom of our lake since I hadn't been blogging.

Or..she called and told me to get my lazy butt up and start blogging again. Who votes for the second one? Mom..put your hand down, you aren't allowed to vote.

Something else I was lazy about..that darn weight loss ticker that was above my blog. The one that said it hadn't been updated in 80 days and was announcing it to EVERYONE that I hadn't done anything with it. I got rid of it. I feel lighter already.

The weirdest thing keeps happening to me and my sister, Tammy. Around spring break, she and I both showed up in Branson, MO. Our paths only crossed for an evening but we got to see each other and have dinner. I live in Kansas (duh) and she's in Oklahoma. Anyway...I called her the other night to see if she wanted to join me for a couple of days on my next getaway to Colorado. It goes like this:

Me: Hey Tammy! Whatcha doin' on May 30th?

Tammy: Hey Shawn, o' favorite sister of mine. I'm afraid I'm going to be out of town then if you were wanting to come down here? (okay..so maybe I elaborated a tiny bit)

Tammy: (groans inwardly thinking I'm wanting to invade her space - and yes, I knew that she was doing this) I'm gonna be outta town Shawn and no, you can't have my house while I'm gone. (I like the other version better, don't you?)

Shawn: Oh, too bad. I was hoping you could join Da Man and I, we have a condo available with an extra bedroom.

Tammy: That would have been fun, but we are going to be doing a haunting investigation in Pagosa Springs, CO.

Shawn: NO SHIT!!! That's where we are going to be also! That's where I was inviting you to!

After we get over our shock and laughing about that and meeting up in Branson earlier this year...we discover that the weekend following the Colorado trip we are both going to be in the same area of Arkansas also.

How weird is it that I mainly get to see my sister in other states? I mean..sheesh, I can't get rid of her if I try!

Ya'll head on over to Jaci's blog to see if she's got the list up for BFF! It's always fun to get a little peek into people's heads. Sorry, I was gone...I'll be good! I promise! Oh, I'm not supposed to cross my fingers when I say that. Geez, you are tough.

It's Silly Saturday time!

This is a day that I'm kinda leaning towards doing some sort of 'linky' thing just to give everyone a quick grin for the weekend. I'm still working out the bugs though so for now...sit back and enjoy the funny.

In the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy (and 'cause I 'have' a few rednecks in the old family tree) here is a few redneck'isms for ya.

Here's a redneck time-out. Ha! This is tempting!



Now a redneck really knows how to pimp a ride!



But family time always trumps everything.



I'd like to leave ya'll with this:

A state trooper pulls over a pickup and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
The redneck says, "Bout wut?"

Ya'll have a wonderful weekend!

Twinkies, Kindle and Wine

I just love Fridays. Mostly cause it is leading into the weekend but also because it's Jaci's Blog Fart Friday and I get to just say whatever the heck is popping into my little old head.

Like this funny joke I heard the other day:

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her dad is getting his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Honey, you are going to get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know. I'm gonna get boobs too."

I just love jokes like that.

I'm also totally in love with my Kindle. I'm not getting much done around the house because I keep wanting to read something else...and it's just so EASY to get something else to read.

Ya'll have a great weekend! I think I just might try to get a garden in. Hopefully. Maybe. I might end up drinking some wine instead. I'll let ya know.

I remember when....

Let's all say thank you to Jen and Mama Kat for hosting these wonderful events known as ATWT and Writer's Workshop.

Mama Kat's prompt I chose was "I remember when..." so without further delay,

I remember when I was jet-setting about the world, dining in the finest restaraunts and flying in private planes.



I remember going scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef.



I remember kayaking down the Amazon river and getting captured by a native tribe but was able to live after charming the chieftain and becoming an honorary member of the tribe.



I remember flying off to Jupiter in the spacecraft I built in my own garage to save a damsel in distress.



I remember when I fought off hordes of mutant, carnivorous creatures in an abandoned shack in the woods with only my wits and one small knife.



I remember when I could wake up from those dreams without the sleep lines on my face lasting for 6 hours!

Saggy Boob Realities

It's always a good thing when your family truly understands what you are going through. She fully commiserated with me during this time of stress.

My sister sent this to me, just to let me know she cares.



Isn't she just the best?!

I'm a blogging star!

Ya'll know Jenny right? Well, you might know her as The Bloggess but to me, she's just Jenny. Me and Jenny, we be mates. (name that movie reference)

I was snooping about and noticed that people were coming over from "Ask the Bloggess" site so I meandered over and checked out what she was up to these days and lo and behold! She had my name up in lights!

Umm, answering a question on her site is the same as having my name up in lights right? Yeah, I thought so too.

Head over there and take a gander at my question and what she said about it. I'm rather scared now actually.

http://askthebloggess.pnn.com/articles/show/43675-pulling-out-nipple-hair-could-kill-you

I told Da Man about my brush with superstardom. I don't think I've ever heard him groan so loudly.

Song for Mother's Day!

Ya'll might have seen this but it still cracks me up and is sooooo true!

Everyone have a great Mother's Day!

Ooops, I've been gone..but here's how my week has been!

A peek in Shawn's life this past week:

First, I had trouble getting out of bed.

Then I had a stiff neck

I washed my hair and couldn't do a THING with it!

My new diet doesn't seem to be working out.

I pulled a muscle when I tried to work out,

and then my boss chewed me out at work.

To top it off, lunch didn't seem to agree with me.

I feel trapped.

Univited guests showed up at dinnertime,

and on top of that, I think I'm coming down with the flu.

Last night, I was hearing strange sounds coming from the basement.

I hope next week is better!

From now on, I'm going to handle stressful situations like a dog.


If I can't eat it or play with it,
I'm going to pee on it and walk away.

Family Makeovers! Before and After.

I don't know what everyone is complaining about all the time. I find it very easy to whip everyone into shape and mold them into the person I want them to be.


For example. take my son Magnet. Just a few short weeks ago he was just sitting around, playing video games, caring primarily only about himself and the dog.


Now look at him. I just put him through my paces and voila! A new Magnet has emerged!


I next sighted on someone a little more difficult. I mean, I haven't known this kid his whole life and I thought I might have a little trouble here.


I don't know why I worried though. The Dude turned out awesome.


I decided to try out my new system with Da Man.


Mmmmmm, me likey.

Oh me? You are wondering if I put myself through my new program?


What do you think?

Two years ago today...

The evening was getting dark, the clouds were building. It was tornado season here in Kansas and this evening sure had all the signs.

I ran across the street to our small hospital to check on the staff and patients. We all huddled around the television set for weather updates.

Tornado sirens were going off but we knew it was forming mainly to the north of us. The regular TV programming just wasn't going to happen on this day..the weatherman were jumping out of their skin with this storm system.

We started hearing the weirdest thing coming across the scanner. EMS was heading up to the next town because we were getting reports that it had been hit. They were saying that half of the town had been wiped out.

I have to admit that I rolled my eyes at that report. It was dark, the electricity was out. I figured the truth would come out in the morning and things wouldn't be as bad. I mean really...half a town?

A patient showed at our emergency room. He'd been taking a shower when the storm hit his house which was on the highway north of our town. He heard the tradition 'train was coming' sound and he ran to get his family safe and was struck be flying debris. He said the road was completely blocked north of his house. Trees, telephone poles and power lines were lying around as if someone had blown around a pile of toothpicks.

Our ambulances were having trouble getting up north. A road would be impassable. They'd go around to find another impassable road. It took an hour and a half to travel a distance that normally only took about 20 minutes.

We were beginning to have a sinking feeling that things were bad up north. Real bad.

We found out that the hospital had been hit by the tornado also and there wasn't anyway that not only the people injured by the tornado could be cared for but that the patients already in the hospital were now exposed, wet, without any medications or even their basic possessions.

Before that night was over our hospital was full to overflowing with the most stable patients from the tornado. There were a few broken bones that were splinted. Lots of elderly people that were physically and mentally debilitated.

The news continued to get worse as the night progressed and it was as bad as we could have ever imagined by the light of day.

The town north of us is Greensburg. The destruction was 90% of this town was destroyed. Not just damaged..but destroyed.

It has been two years and I still drive through this town at least once a week. It is slowly beginning to come back. There are still a LOT of vacant lots. There is still not a downtown to speak of. The hospital is still operating out of a series of connected trailers. The school has farmed the kids out to surrounding towns.

But the people are still there. They are rebuilding. They are rebuilding things better than ever. The trees still have an alien quality to them but here and there you can see a flowerbed that has been restored. There is a park with playground equipment standing in the middle of vacant lots and a few brand new homes. The street lights have been replaced. A grocery story now stands. The John Deere dealership is rebuilt.

I love my state. I love my neighbors. We are truly solid people in this part of the world. Here's to you Greensburg.

An awesome giveaway that I don't want to tell you about.

This Italian lady walks into a bar...a SNACK bar that is! Bwahahaha!

Okay, okay, ya'll probably don't get that if you haven't been reading An Italian Mama Gone Crazy! She's a hoot. She's also someone I don't think I'd want be on the bad side of. Not because of the whole Italian thing...well, actually, yeah, because of the whole Italian thing!

Anyway, she hit her 500th post. Wow. She's decided to celebrate that with a giveaway. A really cool giveaway. A Pampered Chef giveaway. I get extra brownie points for tell you all about it. I didn't want to tell you. I really really didn't because I want to hog all the entries for myself.

I'd cloak her site in some sort of invisi-shield if I could.

But I can't so I'm just going to have to try to win fair and square. But don't go over there cause I said so. She'll just talk your ear off anyway and she won't let you work in the snack bar...so don't even ask! Ha!

Silly Saturday

I'm thinking this guy is really feeling the spirit of spring!

Sock City

I brought up my bizarre imagination a couple of posts ago and my mom brought up some other things too. That I saw burps also (actually I saw those first) and I could hear the worms scream when we'd put them on a fishing hook. Oddly enough, it didn't really traumatize me but there's nothing quite like a worm scream.

Anyway, this morning while helping my son find some socks to wear today I started wondering where in the h e double hockeysticks do all of the socks go?

I suddenly had a vision of an entire sock city that lies in a parallel universe. You have to be 100% cotton to get there.

There would be sock bars...where all the single socks would be looking for their perfect mate.

Hobo socks would be piled up against the walls...all grungy with lint stuck to them.

Old, threadbare mated socks would be walking hand in hand in the parks. Or would that be heel in heel?

Lots of runaway kid socks, out on their own. Argyle pimp socks trying to take advantage of them.

All the old tube socks with stretched out heels would be wolf-whistling at the silk stocking walking by.

I'm thinking I'm going to wear sandals today.

BFF weird thoughts

Blog Farts – noun. Def: Crappy ideas that are too short to make a real blog post, but when combined, join forces to make one unified, albeit half assed, post. see also: memes, surveys.

I wonder just how many unfinished projects I have going on. 4? 6? I'm afraid it's more around the dozen mark.

I'm lurking around facebook these days, don't say much but enough here and there so people remember that I am actually there. It's really strange suddenly being 'friends' with people in high school that knew OF me but certainly didn't 'know' me. Ya know?

I really wish I was one of those get up and go people. I'm afraid I'm going to look back one day and say I wish I had....

I'm still in my funk. (Yes, Mom, I'm taking my meds...mostly)

My laptop is starting to mess up. I'm getting worried. Like I'm going to have to take it to the doctor but I don't really want to because I might get some bad news and do things that I don't want to do like eat right and exercise.

I like visual cartoons. Like this one.

Post 100. Pill Bugs. Imagination. And a little about Me.

Well, here I am. I made it to number 100. I had been thinking earlier in the week just what was I going to do to celebrate this milestone. I've now tossed out all of my previous ideas and I'm just gonna rattle on for a bit. Blame it on the wine. My glass is full (again).



I'm the oldest of 5 kids. Yes, my mother must have gone a wee bit insane. Actually a LOT insane considering that the first 4 of us were all born in 6 years. That just makes the ole vahjayjay clench up don't it?! (BTW, I have NO idea who this woman is but I have seen this exact same expression on my mother's face!)



When I was a kid...I had the weirdest imagination. I could 'SEE' farts. There were the zippy little quick ones. They zoomed around the room, would bounce off people. The worst were the long, sloooow, mushy sounding ones. They kinda oozed outta people's shorts and were a drippy looking green. Sometimes they even had different colors mashed up in 'em also. Bleh. My family would often even ask me, "What's that one looking like Shawn?" And I'd tell them. I was just the nutty little kid.



I also had a very definite conscience. I wish he looked like Jiminy Cricket. I mean how cool would THAT have been.



Instead, my conscience was a blue-uniformed police officer that stood in a lifeguards tower and blew his whistle when I started doing something that I wasn't supposed to do. He was really a pain! He'd just keep on blowing that whistle until I finally stopped. Can we say 'juvenile schizophrenia'? ::snort:: (Yeah, that pic has some sort of 'do not steal' thingie across it but, but, it was PERFECT!)



My middle sister though, she's the most like me as far as sense of humor goes. She's freakin' Hi-larious so of course I think she's the most like me! ::snicker:: Seriously though, I wish she'd get her butt back to blogging a little more frequently cause I miss the way she makes me laugh.



I do have to confess one thing that I did to her as a child though. Ya'll remember those pill bugs? I called 'em rolie polies. I gathered up a handful one day. (In Oklahoma they are under any rock you pick up.) I tossed 'em in a bowl and swirled it around. Those little bugs just curl right up and roll around as cute as you please.



Then I told her she had to eat her peas. She didn't really want to but I told her she HAD to or she was gonna get in 'Big Trouble'. She ate em. My mom caught me. Guess who was the one that ended up in 'Big Trouble'? Heh.



Okay, I'll show you a little better. Here's a REAL picture of a pill bug instead of that little cartoony one which makes 'em look cute. I was so bad.



So that's about it. A long, weird, rambling post for my number 100. I'm blaming it on the wine but actually it's just me. All me. Only me. Bwahahahahaha!