Monday, March 30, 2009

Children: Free to Good Home

Okay, the children have been home since Thursday after school. Friday was an in-service day. Then we had the Blizzard. Monday was cancelled and I've just found out that school in cancelled AGAIN for tomorrow!


Noooo! I'm ready for them to go back to school!

In the face of this new development, I got to thinking. (Hush, it's not ALL bad when I start thinking!) How would I go about advertising my children if I were to send them somewhere else for awhile? Truth in advertising? Go the route of used car salesmen and put the best possible spin on things?

I think I'll go with Pros and Cons:


Magnet: Almost 12 years old.

Pros:
1. Practically housebroken, rarely misses the toilet anymore.
2. Cooks his own macaroni and cheese.
3. Very smart.

Cons:
1. Has not understood the concept of a hamper yet, doubtful at this stage if he will.
2. While he does cook his mac and cheese, he doesn't put up any ingredients and often cooks the stirring utensils at the same time resulting in frequent smoke alarm sound-offs as well as warping all plastic cooking utensils.
3. Very smart in school, has yet to figure out that there is a time and place to just be quiet when mom 'gets that look'.

Another option is this one:


Alien: 10 years old.

Pros:
1. Young enough that he doesn't mind snuggling.
2. Quick to laugh at most anything.
3. Extremely sociable and makes friends easily.

Cons:
1. Being the second son, he does not have the ability to entertain himself and thus requires all those around him to participate in his activity of choice or suffer the whining consequences of not joining him.
2. Quick to laugh, and make noises, and fart while laughing, then snort, laugh with mouth full of food, chokes on said food and then laughs about it again, still laughs while being told not to do something. Convinced he's entirely too cute to ACTUALLY be in any sort of trouble.
3. Brings any friend he has made or just met or anyone that is tagging along with anyone that he has just met right over to the house and brings them into the bedroom where he then wakes you while you are sleeping with your nightgown twisted up around your waist so that he can ask if everyone can come in.


They both come with a bike that has a flat tire. multiple pairs of jeans with stains and holes in the knees, book bags that have a mysterious ability to lose library books and shoes with floppy laces.

AS IS condition and all returns will be accepted. Orthodontic work will be the responsibility of the accepting party. No exchanges. Thank you.

14 comments:

noble pig said...

Funny but it is my first sone who cannot entertain himself...at..all. The second could play for hours with a key chain.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

ummm... Who doesn't fart when they laugh? Oh, What's a Hamper? LOL...

Nosonew said...

OMG... I almost spit out my coffee on this one:

Brings any friend he has made or just met or anyone that is tagging along with anyone that he has just met right over to the house and brings them into the bedroom where he then wakes you while you are sleeping with your nightgown twisted up around your waist so that he can ask if everyone can come in.


THAT I can picture in my head. LOL!

Mental P Mama said...

LOL. Send 'em out to shovel the yard;) Then crack open another bottle of wine.

Staci said...

That nightgown scenario made me snort! Funnnnnneeeeee!

The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma said...

I'll trade you two teenage girls !

Jen said...

I will take your 2 older boys for the day if you will take my 4 under 4 for the day. ;)

brneyedgal967 said...

The market forecast doesn't look good. The demand is low and the supply is high. I think you're stuck with them.

Funny post... made me laugh. :-)

brneyedgal967 said...

Oh yeah, Monkey Girl thinks you're bluffing. I'm supposed to put in a bid for Alien and see if you make good on your "free to good home" campaign.

She's the poker player. She knows a bluff when she sees one.

(sigh)

Phat Mama said...

The nightgown was definitely the best! I laughed, snorted and farted too!

Kathy B! said...

I've got four more... free to a good home :)

The endless snow days are such a bummer. Hang in there!!

princessdiva said...

HAHAHA! You are too funny!

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