Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I know it's St. Patty's Day but the only thing in my head is wondering if boobs were like balls.

First off, I have to admit. Scrotums are just kinda nasty. They are ugly as they can possibly be and to top that off, They Move. On Their Own.

No readjusting by the man that owns them, they just move if they get too hot or too cold.

My daughter had a hairless rat named Thad. I thought his name should have been Scrot for obvious reasons.

What if boobs were like that? Moving around on my chest depending on their temperature at the moment? I'd move to Alaska faster than someone could say Bra Size. My boobs all clenched high and tight up on my chest? In a heartbeat..cause the alternative would be a warm climate where they'd be wandering down and checking out my belly button. I tell ya, that would totally take the fun out of a belly shirt! Ewww.

Uh oh, I wonder if they'd be all wrinkled up though when they are holding on tight? Like a plum that has sat out too long and starts to turn into a prune? Not that MY boobs resemble plums in anyway, just in case you were wondering! Heh.

I'm so thankful that none of my body parts move unless I make them do so. There, now no matter WHAT is going on in your life, there is one thing that you can always be thankful for. And any guys that stumble across here (Jason and Marido...) all I can say is I'm really sorry that you had to read this.

Have a great St. Patty's day everyone. I'm coming back home today!


Mental P Mama said...

You wanna know what I think? I think you think too much;) Happy and safe travels!

The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma said...

LMAO - Funny I never knew balls moved on their own, maybe my husbands are broke, because he never mentioned it.

Anonymous said...

As one of the few men that read this, or that I am aware of, read this. I must ask you, Shawn. "How did you get so lucky (?), as to know men that have migratory scrot's. I want to know the trick, if learned. LMAO Big K

LeAnna said...

Oh WOW! That is one ugly mouse! HA!

Comedy Goddess said...

I think we would all rather look at boobs than balls. Just sayin'.

Jason, as himself said...

This is hands down the best St. Patrick's Day post this year. So meaningful!

And you're right. They do move all ont heir own. Visibly so. If you (and by "you" I mean a scrotum owning "you") can stand in the mirror and watch them slowly move up and down, rotating slightly, ever adjusting for the perfect conditions in which to to do their job.

But I don't think they're so bad.

Anonymous said...

O M G!!!! Do NOT even make me envision Da Man's Balls! O O M M G G!

After your very private vacation, where you have time to "yourselves", there has to be only ONE reason why you are posting this NOW. O M G!!!

My eyes! My eyes!!! Noooooo!

Numberthreesister LOL!

Becky said...

When I brought my oldest home from the hospital, I was changing him and one of them moved...freaked me out so bad I ran and got hubby because I thought something was wrong with his "parts." After he stopped laughing long enough he finally told me...that was the first "wow--I have a BOY" moment.
How about trying to wipe poo off the scrotum?? I hate it..you have to develop your own special way of wiping it..personally, I wipe with the "grain" of the folds. ick.
Thanks for the laugh!

ChiefChick said...

I assumed you were going the "Seinfeld" route with this one, aka: cold = shrinkage! In that case, book me a seat to Alaska with ya, sistah!
Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

noble pig said...

That rat has an incredible likeness to a scrot...very good.

CJ said...

I got an email (from the Mark Twain Forum) asking if anyone knew if Mark Twain had ever eaten mountain oysters. My husband had fallen asleep in his desk chair. I woke him when I laughed out loud when someone replied that he enjoyed the Morningstar Farms veggie variety himself ---and that they were made completely from (what else?) nuts.

After reading your post, I thought you might enjoy that.

Anonymous said...

Why did you tell me that? I did not need to know that. Please take it back. Please.

Dr Zibbs said...

I will now be more aware of my balls.

Angela said...

I would love to know what prompted this! Lol, it really is too bad you live out in Kansas - I can see this conversation scaring a lot of eavedroppers away at the local park... ^_^